I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
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I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
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I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
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