omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
