Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
It's blow job season.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
