I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
