The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
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