Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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