Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
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