Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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