we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
