It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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