also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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