very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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