O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
