he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
