I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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