Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
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