Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
