you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Randomize
