Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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