hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
