can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
