Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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