plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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