i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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