when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
