i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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