Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
