he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
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