He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
