Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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