carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
