i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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