I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
i've created a new STD.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
