I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I bet he comes in French.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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