I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
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There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
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We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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