You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
