at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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