Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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