i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
