he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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