maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
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