We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
