how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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