Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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