the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Randomize