with your own penis?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
