I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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