I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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