i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
