Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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