Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
