Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
