i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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