I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
