A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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