The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
PANTIES FOUND
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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