the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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