He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize