This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
