why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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